I have heard people say this, “I am so addicted to working out!” Why can’t I be addicted to working out like them? I always have to drag my feet as if it was chained to the couch or bed to even get ready to go to the gym. This process is just so excruciatingly painful. My mind starts racing thinking of reasons why going to the gym is not the best idea right now. But once I am in the gym I get energized and hyped up.
There is only 3 months left till my goal of participating in the Zombie Run for your Lives 5K Mud Run. I am so scared. I have been slacking off, making excuses and now I am suffering. Last year I joined the Irvine 5K Mud run and that was tough. I did enjoy myself despite the fact that I was second to the last person to finish the lap. I was hoping to change the result up a bit so I joined the Zombie Run. But time flies so fast. I signed up in May and now it is the middle of July and the Run is on October 20th. Man I wasted 3 months not training. This is bad. I really need to be addicted to working out instead of food or else I will really turn into a zombie and never see the end of the race!
Let us define an addict…
Per Dictionary .com an addict is an enthusiastic devotee of a specified thing or activity.
Per Merriam-webster.com an addict is to devote or surrender to something habitually or obsessively.
I have the worst kind of addiction and yes I am talking about food. This is the worst because you can not live without food. Drugs, gambling and alcohol, a person can live without these bad habits, but how do you rehabilitate yourself if you are addicted to the thing that keeps you alive.
Bread the fluffy layers and the buttery smell, just typing these words leaves a tingly feeling on my finger tips. Meat, that red tender juicy meat that is always paired with steam veggies, rice or potatoes I feel my cholesterol just rising to the peak as I think of each scrumptious bite. Then there is this thing that you can never say never just the smell of it hypnotize you and making you eat more egg and pancake and coffee. BAAACCCOOONNN…. Who ever invented it is evil, EVIL!
This morning I went to go get breakfast and my bro-in-law told me of the Paleo diet which mainly eat protein and no carbs, sugar, beans etc…. It is also a diet where you do not have to count calories or limiting the protein that you are eating. So I ordered a scrambled egg, bacon, one sausage and one hot link, big breakfast, but was planning to have fruits for lunch. Well there was this girl before me that ordered one sunny side up egg and she laughed at my order when she heard it. I looked at her and she says to me, wow really, that is a big breakfast and started laughing while saying other things to the person next to her. Normally being overweight for a long time I should get used to these types of reactions but somehow that girl is a bitch. I smiled and left the counter with my food and paid. There are times when I think some people’s decisions about things are ridiculous but I would never comment about it out loud. I would think it in my head but still have the control not to say anything cause I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Why can’t she do that? Really?
Another thing happened to me today. Our company have pretty good size of elevators but we also have a number of pretty good size people, including me. I was the first one in the elevator then a pretty hefty man came in with 2 regular size people. When we reached the lobby the man who was right smack in the middle of the elevator let the other two people go out first then he looks at me to go out next. I know that he was thinking ladies first since we were all ladies and him being the only man but he is right in the middle, he was on the way. For me to successfully exit the elevator I have to swoosh to the side, then walk forward and swoosh to the other side to the door. I respect that he is doing this out of manners but it would have been better if he just left the elevator first so it would be easier for me to exit. I tell you manners in the wrong timing!
I had a bad day today. To make the story short I have this problem about sleeping. I sleep a lot and everywhere. I fall asleep while driving which is very bad, I fall asleep while working which is very very bad and I fall asleep every chance I get. I dont deprive myself sleep but yet this occurance always happen. So I got in trouble here at work today in regards to the sleeping part. Oppurtunities have been missed and unnecessary stress has become of my situation. I told my doctor about it but he keep insisting its just because I am tired. I think I have sleep apnea or I have narcolepsy. This can not be normal. I worked two jobs before but it lasted for a year and a half, there were times that I would go to the next job without sleeping. But that has been almost 4-5 years ago so I can not keep using that excuse. So I called my doctor again to ask for a refferal but he is wanting to see me as a checkup but why cant he just give me a refferal he always say no that there is nothing wrong with me. i really need to go to a sleep center to check if I do have a problem and how severe is it.
As I drove to the parking lot of ralphs I remembered my sister telling me that you should never do grocery shopping when you are hungry. She said that it is a known fact that if you go with an empty stomach you end up buying more stuff and go out with an empty stomach and wallet. So I sat in my car for a few minutes and contemplated if I should get something to eat before I go grocery shopping. But what can I eat that I wont have to waste gas and not give me too much calories. The little devil has murdered my little angel and made me drive to Jack in the Box to get the spciy chicken sandwhich. Ughh…. I will never listen to my sister again!!! If you are thinking that I could have baught a salad in jack in the box, trust me my mind is a few steps ahead of you. It is said that the salads in fast food stores has much calories as the burgers so might as well have a burger. Ugh……
Firday night was spent it in West Hollywood, enjoying the glam and bling bling of Drag Queens from the famous Rupaul’s Drag Race. Three letters best describe this experience, OMG! They are so fabulous and seductively sexy. As a woman I am so ashamed, I dont take care of my body as much as these people do. How can their curves go on the right places while mine goes everywhere? The makeup was so marvelous! Its like even though they sweat i dont see the sweat because of the thick flawless makeup. I had a blast and a lot of the men were talking to me but yes I know it is not counted since we like the same thing. Then my friend said that they only talked to me so much cause I looked like Jiggly Caliente from the 4th season. Hmmm…. Oh well I had fun anyways I dont care if they talked to me cause I looked like one of them or if its just my jolly personality. Pic from blog.chron.com.
I have been doing good at this one diet till I ….. yeah the sight of bread has me salivating and having chills all over my body. Many would think that you could take a little bite just to satisfy your craving. But really how little is little. I think my addiction to bread is clouding my judgement of size. Please God, Budha, and all the other gods out there give me the strength not to open my mouth and have a bite of that fresh, buttery smell, and soft white bread. This is killing me. Just writting about bread is making me sick.
Why do I always feel like when I am on a diet or working out I am torturing myself? I feel like it is self mutilation. Yes I am exaggerating. But if you think about it why did we invent all these fatty food that is bad for us and eat it for years? No, I am not finidng an excuse for me to eat them. I am just so mad at the people who invented the slurpee or bread or pizza or burgers!!!!!!!!!!