Excuse me, I farted!

Yup the title says it all.  When is it acceptable to admit that you have passed gas in public places? 

One thing I hate the most is going in an elevator and a person is rushing out as if it is going to explode, just to realize there was a gas explosion.  Another one will be waiting on a long line and getting a drift of someone’s fart and there is nowhere to run cause you don’t want to lose your position in the line. 

Maybe it is never appropriate to admit that you have farted but shouldn’t we be considerate of others respiratory system by walking out of the line and fart somewhere else where the smell won’t bother so many and it won’t linger around that long. 

I have a co-worker that had the lap band operation.  Unfortunately when you get those procedures done besides eating only a small portion you also get massive gas.  When she walks around and releases those tiny gas bombs she always and never fails to say “Excuse me. I farted!”  So if you have a really good imagination I have that look on my face of – “Crap I just inhaled!”

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Foreplay…

Though ravaging someone’s lips as if my hunger can not be suppressed, I stop myself cold. I have been away from the game for far too long but being too forward may look a little too deprived. He touched my cheek which sent a jolt of electricity through my spine. How can such small gestures make me so weak? In an attempt to lure him I slightly parted my lips and licked it moist. Foreplay is the most exciting part of this barbaric ritual but it is also excruciatingly painful. I felt his body tensing up against mine and I bravely opened my eyes. He was trying to compose himself but his eyes do not hide the overpowering emotions. Holding me tight, he covered my lips with his. The ringing in my ears would not stop. I held my hands up and… turned off the alarm. FML =(